Do Wives Belong to their Husband?

Do women really have to experience changing their names when they marry? I recall that when I married over fifty years ago, women had to “love, honour and obey” and were expected to submit in every way to their husbands.  It was rare to hear of a woman who did not take on the surname of her husband, as if the person with her previous surname no longer existed.

This of course has created many challenges for women.  Even at that time, my qualification documents were in my “maiden” name.  Women had to present their marriage certificates to confirm their identity.  Something that their husbands never had to do.

Then, if the marriage did not survive the woman had to go through a lot more hurdles.  If they no longer wished to use their husband’s surname, they had to go through the ID challenges again.  And possibly more documents needed to be dealt with, if they had a bank account, a driver’s licence or more qualifications.  This was never a requirement for the (ex)husband.

There were other challenges for women.  In the workforce, some women were expected to “retire” if they married or became pregnant, and this continued into the 1960s or 70s. I know as a trainee nurse, that was a challenge to get through.

Women also had difficulty opening a bank account in their name, which I think ended around the 1960s but there was occasionally concern that a woman would not have the skills to manage money.

There is a change – some folk are not changing their names on marriage. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have changed my name at that time.

And there is more…..

A Non-Employed Wife had More Challenges

My mother was never employed after she married.  Before getting married she was in the Army – working in communications during World War II, in Adelaide.  After their marriage, my father continued to work, and he managed the money.  My mother was not involved in financial decisions, and in her senior years had limited skills in money and banking.

I recall my mother, very much into her senior years being panic-stricken as my father was in hospital and she didn’t have any way to pay for items.  As it turns out, Dad had money hidden in his clothes and she was able to access it and buy what she needed.  My father always controlled the funds, something that is not all that uncommon for seniors now.

If a woman now (in 2022) has not been employed or had little employment during her marriage, the husband does often control the finances.  But when he departs (death, marriage breakup or aged care), the woman is often left in great difficulty until it is worked out for her.

Managing Change

Anyone now in the 70s or older have had to endure some amazing changes in their lives.  Think back until the 1950s and consider how many major things changed.  I often refer to the change in weights, measurements, and money.

I remember learning at school about miles (not kilometres), and ounces,  stones, and pounds for weights, and in 1966 when we changed from pounds to shillings and pence.

While I understand the simplicity (supposedly) as described above.  By that time the old system was cemented in our brains, that is anyone that attended school before the change. While I can use the decimal currency, weights and lengths to some degree, it always confuses me.  My brain always likes to do these measurements in the old system and I know it will never change.  Can you imagine how we have challenged our brains since those changes?

Do All Older Folk use Modern Technology?

Certainly not.  There are many men and women in their elder years that have had little experience with technology – even phones can be challenging.  I senior gentleman near me has a phone.  He only uses it to make phone calls, and he usually keys in the number, just like we did in the days of old phones.  I have worked with him to show him how he can input phone numbers to make it easy to call someone – be it in police, ambulance, fire brigade or anyone.  He worked in the building industry during his working days, and he’s never had anyone to show him how to use modern technology. He has though mastered some skills using the remote control on his television.  Even recently he needed help to use the “defrosting” facility in his microwave!

Many people do not know what they don’t know. I keep telling folk that they need to learn how to use modern tools, including smartphones and tablets, if not laptops.  How do you understand if no one has taught you?

There are many options for folk to learn technology – but many are scared to do so for a range of reasons.

We do need to make sure that our seniors do understand some of the modern tools and how they can benefit them.

What do you think?